The challenges of online dating

Written by Louise

I’ve been hanging out on OKCupid rather a lot lately (probably to the detriment of work, but never mind; it will still be there when I get back to it). The most annoying thing about that, and any other dating site, is the random men who send you messages even though it’s clear from your profile that you have absolutely nothing in common.

This morning, I woke to a message from a man in America (about 8,000km away from me), telling me how much he loved my pics and how he desperately wanted to get to know me because he couldn’t believe someone so beautiful wasn’t already taken.

Yawn …

Firstly, I only have one photo on my profile at the moment, and it’s of the back of my head. I removed the photos of my face in hope it would cut down on the messages from young African men looking for a ticket into Europe (more on that in another post), but it hasn’t made much difference, so I’ll probably put the face views back when I get around to it. So, my new admirer must have been very taken with the back of my head.

Secondly, I checked out his profile, and immediately noticed he’s a Christian (and takes his faith seriously) and he wants kids. I replied, pointing out the photo situation, and that I’m not interested in religion, and I don’t want kids, and he did at least have the manners to thank me for my reply. Most of the time, I never hear anything else.

Last week, I received a message from someone who looked quite interesting at first, until I dug a little deeper into the many questions he’d answered, and discovered he doesn’t want cats, and also doesn’t ever want to leave the little bit of America he calls home. I’m not sure if I ever want to leave the little bit of Spain I call home, but I’m at least willing to do some travelling to find out! It clearly wasn’t going to work, and I replied to tell him that. What followed was the weirdest exchange of messages I’ve ever had. He seemed to think he would be doing me a favour in allowing me to go to America and live with him … but only if I got rid of my cats! Eventually, he seemed to realise that wasn’t going to happen, and I haven’t heard from him for a few days now, which is a relief.

An hour or so ago, I got a message from another American Christian who wants kids (I’m starting to notice a trend here). I replied with the usual not into religion, don’t want kids message, and a short while later got a reply saying,

You don’t want kids why is that

(Punctuation exactly as original message – I’m a pedant!)

I was floored for a moment, until I finally recovered my wits enough to reply with a question of my own:

Why do you want kids?

I haven’t had an answer yet, but I’m kind of hoping this one continues, if only for the entertainment value.

The real fun part of OKCupid is the thousands of multiple choice questions that are used for matching purposes. It’s amazing how much you can learn from reading them. Last night, I received a visit from a woman who seemed like someone I’d like to get to know. We had a high match percentage, a low “enemy” (mismatch) percentage, and her profile sounded lovely. As usual, after checking out the personality page, I went straight over to the questions to see where the mismatches were.

It turned out she didn’t like animals (although she thought she might get a dog!) and supported animal testing, she was totally materialistic and believed humans are the most important species on the planet, she thought Capitalism has “made the word a better place” (more on that in another post), she would appreciate a compliment on her appearance more than her intelligence, and she couldn’t handle dating someone who earned less than her and was content with that.

It doesn’t bother me that there are shallow people in the world, as long as I can avoid interacting with them. What bothered me was that OKC had given us a match percentage of 87% and an enemy percentage of 23%. I don’t know what we agreed on, but the 23% of things we disagreed on were obviously the ones that were most important to me! So, it shows how the matching system is flawed.

So, it isn’t the match percentages that are interesting, but the actual answers people have selected to specific questions. I saw someone had checked out my profile earlier, so thought I would return the favour and pay him a visit. Here are a few example questions, his answers, and my first thoughts:

Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date?

Which makes for a better relationship – passion or dedication?

What’s the most exciting thing about getting to know someone?
Discovering their body.

Mostly interested in sex. (Although the choices are body or shared interests on that last question, so they’re quite limited. I would have liked to see mind as an option.)

What would you rather be – normal or weird?

Would you prefer good things happened, or interesting things?


Do you make your bed most days?


In the line, “Wherefore art thou Romeo?” what does “wherefore” mean?


Do you believe that money can buy happiness?


Would you strongly prefer to go out with someone of your own skin colour/racial background?


Should burning your country’s flag be illegal?

Probably a Britain First supporter.

Apart from that, he doesn’t like dogs or cats, and he marked me “red” (negative) for caring about spelling, for being vegetarian, for being prepared to consider an open relationship, for being willing to date someone overweight, for rarely drinking alcohol, and for not eating in bed.

Well, I guess we’re not compatible, so a match percentage of 78% is a little worrying!

I’ve come across some very strange people, with very particular – or should that be peculiar? – requirements, on OKCupid, so I guess it must be true that there really is “nowt as queer as folk!”

About the author


Animal lover, asexual, blogger, cyclist, daughter, dreamer, entrepreneur, expat, optimist, procrastinator, reader, realist, rescuer, runner, sister, writer ... Hate labels? Me too. Just read my blog.

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