I messaged someone on a dating site the other day. It’s notable because it’s rare for me to make the first contact. Usually, it’s men messaging me, and the time spent wading through a sea of ‘hi, how r u?’s leaves me little time to actually contact people who interest me. When he replied, he commented on my love of country music (which was on his ‘tolerates’ list) and mentioned that Willie Nelson’s ‘On the Road Again’ is one of his favourite songs.
Although I’m familiar with most of Willie Nelson’s songs – what fan of country music isn’t? – I mostly listen to newer country, so I hadn’t heard that particular song for a while. I pulled it up on Spotify to listen to.
This morning, I listened to it on loop for nearly 2 hours, while I was doing my morning jobs and pondering the future.
As you’ll know if you’ve read this post, I’ve been struggling with negativity for some time now and, despite my efforts to start turning things around, I’m still waking up in the mornings and wishing I could just stay in bed and never get up to face the day. I’ve reached the point where so many things have gone wrong – life has thrown so many obstacles in my way – that I’m starting to anticipate problems before they happen. And that’s never good.
Listening to the lyrics of that song started me thinking … maybe I’ve stayed in one place too long. Maybe I’m not supposed to settle. As much as I love this place, maybe it isn’t where I’m meant to be. Maybe it’s time I got back ‘on the road’ again.
And here we come to the hippy New Age shit.
Ten years or so ago, I read the Conversations with God books by Neale Donald Walsh, and they made a big impression on me. It wasn’t so much that they introduced me to something new because they didn’t. Pretty much everything I came across in those books supported things I’d previously come across – in books on past life regression, books on between life regression, in ideas drawn from Eastern religions, and in the fluffy New Age stuff I devoured during my hippy phase in my late teens/early 20s.
One of the concepts that CwG covered in depth (and that was backed up by my previous reading) was the idea that many of the experiences we have during our lives are planned out in advance. I quite like this idea. For one thing, it means that any time something bad happens to me, I can think, “This is OK because I planned it. I wanted it to happen.“ It also leads to the idea that, as long as you are following the plan, life should run smoothly, and if things aren’t going fairly smoothly … well, maybe there’s a message there that you should be listening to.
Oprah puts it better than I ever can:
“I say the universe speaks to us, always, first in whispers. And a whisper in your life usually feels like ‘hmm, that’s odd.’ Or, ‘hmm, that doesn’t make any sense.’ Or, ‘hmm, is that right?’ It’s that subtle.
And if you don’t pay attention to the whisper, it gets louder and louder and louder. I say it’s like getting thumped upside the head.
If you don’t pay attention to that, it’s like getting a brick upside your head.
You don’t pay attention to that—the brick wall falls down.
That is the pattern that I see in my life and so many other people’s lives. And so, I ask people, ‘What are the whispers? What’s whispering to you now?'”
(And I’m not particularly a fan of Oprah – I’m not a fan of the entertainment industry in general – but I do happen to like that quote.)
Since I’ve been here – particularly living right here, in this house – I’ve startled to feel settled for the first time in my life. A year ago, I wrote this post describing just how settled I feel. I’ve been thinking this is where I want to stay. Even though it doesn’t fit exactly with my plans to rescue more animals and to be as self-sufficient and environmentally friendly as possible, I like it here, I’m happy here, and …
And even as I’ve thought it, there’s been a tiny voice in my mind asking me if I’m sure this is the right thing to do. And things have gone wrong. I currently have a leak in the kitchen, a toilet that doesn’t flush properly, a pool that won’t stay clean, and a bloody great hole in the drive with water coming out of it that my landlords seem to have no intention of sorting. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something!
Maybe I’m not meant to be settled … or at least not meant to be settled here. Maybe that’s what the universe is trying to tell me. I’ve stopped pursuing my important goals in life, and I need to get myself sorted and start moving in the right direction again.
Maybe it’s time to move on.